Bad pick up lines

Posted by bourbonhound on August 2, 2012

Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you?

Can you please scratch my back? My arms are far too muscular for me to reach.

Is there a mirror in your pocket? ‘Cause I can really see myself in your pants.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

When God said, “Let there be woman,” he created you.

Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see around here.

Remember me? Oh, that’s right, I’ve met you only in my dreams.

Sad thing is, some dude will be using these by the end of the night.

Brittany Green – “still wants” me

Posted by bourbonhound on July 9, 2012

A while back I wrote an article about a “Brittany Green” that sent me emails asking for “nude” pictures of me. Of course I didn’t send any. For those new to the site, the original article can be found here. She recently contacted me again asking for “at least a shirtless” picture. Get a life.

She claims she sees me a lot at the Highlands Taproom - That’s no kept secret. I have wrote an article reviewing the place and have posted dozens of pictures there.

She claims she has been seeing me there a lot lately – Of course I hang there a lot. My best friends John, Brett and Shannon are there a lot. Shannon’s family, who I love like a second family, hangs out there. Why wouldn’t I hang out there?

She claims she can tell I’ve been working out – I would hope so. I went from 147 pounds to 170. Most people see the difference.

She claims she has been seeing me in person – If that’s the case, please come up and say hi. I love women.

Someone has too much time on their hands. Somebody needs to get a life. If a chick really dug a man that much, wouldn’t she approach them since I haven’t a clue on whom she is? Stop asking for pictures. You want to see my love-pump and tongue in action? If so, come up and say hello. I am pretty easy going – most of the time.

Bourbon is taking “another break”

Posted by woodylong79 on June 11, 2012

Bourbon’s luck has not been so good lately. He has faced some tough times and been very quiet since around this past Thursday. He may not be posting anytime soon. He would be the first to tell everyone not to worry. He seemed a little better today and joked around and sounded like the Bourbon we all love (we actually hate his guts).

Fans/readers of this site have read his articles about his ex, Liz Hanes. That’s right; I will give out her real name. He tried helping her out. She used him and lied to his face over the pettiest things. That had him stressed out for a few weeks. She snitched on friends during a drug trial, works at a doctor’s office where she still uses drugs and has recently been shot at. Smart woman – as in dumber than horse’s shit. I wonder what drugs caused her teeth to go bad?

Bourbon then met a gal at work. She asked him for his number and they had a date planned for this past Friday. Sadly this girl has a case of aspersers. Everything was going well up until Thursday night. The girl then blamed Bourbon for only wanting to take her out because he felt bad for her. I can tell you that wasn’t the case. Bourbon was very into the chick (she was cute). That really hurt his feelings when she canceled the date.

A friend of Bourbon’s from the Highlands Taproom, John G., passed away last week. Bourbon enjoyed talking to this man because he was a Military Veteran. Readers of this site know we support all branches of the Armed-Forces. John will be truly missed by many. I know Bourbon thought the world of the guy and enjoyed talking to him and sharing a beer, or two or three.

Don’t worry, this site will be up and running. He will be back. He was drunk last Thursday, Friday and Saturday. No, this had nothing to do with the above drama and bad times. Bourbon is normally drunk those days. Thanks for the support and don’t worry. Our site is not going anywhere!

I finally understand true love

Posted by bourbonhound on May 14, 2012

From the start of this site our goal has been complete honesty. I love to give readers some insight on who I am. Many read this site and are easily offended by the cussing, how we degrade women and the immature stories we publish. Louisville’s Strange Brew is satire. Nothing we say is meant to be taken serious. This article is going to be different. I am going to share a personal experience that just happened to me.

The story is about this past week and how I got back in touch with an ex named Liz. I’ve known her on and off since I was around 16. She and I dated a few years back. What happen back in our teen years is irrelevant. We were both kids and dumb ones at that. Both of us were selfish little brats. Liz probably thinks this article is going to bash her. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Around the time I was 21 or 22, Liz would have been 17 or 18. She and I lost touch over time. We didn’t speak for around five or six years. One day I found her on Facebook. I said hi and she asked me to hangout. I agreed. That led to dates. Dates led to us being a couple. We dated for around eight months. I know eight months is short in reality, but Liz and I were very serious. I spent 98% of my time with her. I can say that I loved her a great deal.

Before we dated I hung out with a bad group of people. I was pretty hateful and did a lot of people wrong. After breaking up with a beautiful girl named Ashley at age 23, I hadn’t been in love since. Finding Liz changed all of that. I was a different person and I wanted to settle down. I truly believed for the first time in my life I understood true love. Well, things between Liz and me didn’t work out. I use to blame her for most of the mistakes. Now looking back, I was probably more to blame. I have no issue admitting that. I stopped showing Liz I cared. We grew apart and finally stopped dating.

Last week was the first time I had spoken to Liz in nearly three years. She asked could we hangout. So last Tuesday we did. It was supposedly a dinner to catch up. That quickly led to some kissing. It was crazy because I didn’t expect that to happen. It was like all the bad between us meant nothing. I saw Liz a few more times that week. I won’t lie, I felt great. I felt perfect and complete. I had no desire on rushing things. I just knew being with her felt right.

Liz and I spent all day Saturday together. She ended up getting drunk. I took care of her the entire night. She told me personal things. I am not going to post those things. Those things are between us. I learned a lot about her that night. I saw her cry for two straight hours. I don’t think I ever saw so much pain in a person. She kept telling me “you don’t understand how I feel,” which was true. She even made me tear up a few times. Her sadness was that real. I have never witness personal pain so deep.

Finally Liz was cut off, and my sober ass had to take care of her. She leaned over to me and said in tears, “Mike, don’t leave me. Stay with me. Don’t make me be by myself.” So I promised her I wouldn’t leave her. When we were finally alone, Liz got naked and tried to get me to do what grown couples do alone. How could I do that? She was not only drunk, but an emotional train wreck. Would a real man do that? She trusted me and doing anything to her would have been a direct violation of that trust. Instead of sex, I held her all night.

She and I ended up having some words Sunday which led to her not wanting to see me. In truth, that ended Saturday night. What she told me Saturday night made me realize nothing I do could make this girl happy. I saw a side of her I wish I never knew existed. She wasn’t hateful. I saw someone that is so scared of good. I saw a girl that can’t move on from the past. I saw someone that hates herself more than anyone I’ve ever met.

That night hurt me too. I wish that night would have never happened. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy it was me and not some guy that would have hurt Liz or took advantage of her. It hurt me because all week I did great things toward her. I believe in my heart Liz does appreciate what I did and have done for her. Liz just doesn’t understand love. Nobody really does. I always say this about love, “I can’t explain why I love a person. Love is something that hits you during random times in your life. You know love when you get a feeling about a person that is different than how you feel about others.” Liz just doesn’t get it.

I’ve never wanted anything from her. I never wanted her to change her life around for me. Never wanted her to do anything she didn’t want to do. I’m not sure what my point is. I just know that nothing is good enough for her. It’s not that Liz is terrible person or stupid. She will have to figure out her problems before she can ever learn to accept the good in her life. I feel bad. Maybe I wasn’t there enough for her. Maybe if we didn’t lose touch for all those years things could have been different for her. More than likely no, but there’s a part of me that feels guilty.

Not once in my life have I lied to Liz on how I felt toward her. I never misled her. I only write that because I know she reads this site from time to time. She told me Saturday night that I had always walked away from her. That is not true. I never did. Liz always walked away from me. Not only me, but the good in life. I’ve always been there for her. That’s never been good enough for her. Maybe this time I sort of did walk away. I just get tired of losing when you do the right thing. With me not being in her life has the same effect on her as when I am there for her. Why fight a battle you know you can’t win?

Saturday night may have been the saddest night in my life besides when my grandfather died. I hope I never see a person hurt that much ever again. It taught me a lot. I feel blessed knowing I am happy and surrounded by a great family. I am more thankful than ever I have the best friends anyone could have. I wish I could give her 1/10 of the happiness I have in my heart. Even if I could, she would deny it. That is what I saw Saturday night. My worst enemy doesn’t deserve to feel the way she does. Nobody does.

There are things I will never forget about that night. My best friends John and Brett saw me care for her. They witness love. I know deep down inside I did everything right that night. And watching her in such emotional pain broke my heart. It really did affect me that much. Nothing I said, no matter how honest, how sweet and how loving could even put a dent in her pain. It physically drained my life. I felt weak, sad and hopeless that night. And I never want to feel that way again, or even close to it. I can’t even explain in words on how or what I felt.

I’m not sure what else to say. I just wanted to share some personal insight on myself. It’s good to take a break away from the humor. Actually, I am so drained physically and emotionally myself, I am taking a two week vacation from this site. I will let my two co-writers do all the work for those two weeks. I need time to think. After spending those four days with Liz, I am not sure on who I really am or what I want in life from a woman. I’m not messed up or thinking crazy thoughts. I just need a break. So don’t worry about me. I am fine. I just care for Liz and need time to think and take in all she told me. As of right now, only about 25% of it has even sunk in.

Liz, I know you read this site from time to time, as does your brother (you told me he does). You’re beautiful. You are nobody’s “time filler” or “object”. You deserve happiness. I tried. I tried many times to be there for you. I just can’t fight this winless battle. Not only that, I do want to fight it but you always tell me you don’t need me in your life. Well, you have your wish. I loved you. I just pray you don’t do some of the things you told me. A permanent solution for a temporary problem is never the answer. You mean too much for a lot of people. I am one of them.

Kentucky and Indiana’s Tornadoes

Posted by woodylong79 on March 4, 2012

This past Friday we lost many lives due to Tornadoes. Not only were lives lost, but lives were shattered. People lost everything they had worked for. Yet the fucking news’ crews could care less. Their only concern was higher ratings, which channel could get the best film of a tornado or the best interview.