I’m up bored watching AVGN videos. Every once in a while I see a commercial for a 1-800 “Dating” or “College Girl Chat”. First off, who actually calls them? Second, who is dumb enough to believe the women you are talking to look hot like they do on TV? Hot girls are not calling free chat lines. They are at a club, showing some ass or cleavage and getting free drinks from nerds like myself.
Call them, they’re bored. In reality you are talking to a woman who looks like this………………
Women like this call free 1-800 chat lines, just saying.
I doubt she is home alone on a Friday night. If you call the chat line you will be talking to her co-worker that looks like this……
She is home on a Friday night.
Yeah, she is so not calling a 1-800 chat line anytime soon. This girl will however……
Meet Mindy. She is single, jobless and likes crack……..
December 21st – If the Mayans are correct, we all die. If that’s the case, thanks for reading my site.
December 30th (a Sunday) – I am going for the record of most posts ever in a day for this site. There’s a lot that I want to say by the end of the year and it will be said. Some of it will be funny, some of it won’t be. Some will be nice, some will be mean.
December 31st (a Monday) – We will announce our “Man of the Year”. We picked 12 and only one can be the winner? Who will it be?
Telemarketers – I love when they call me. I never buy what they have. Instead, I request things they don’t sell like porn, women who don’t speak English or moonshine. They normally hang up quickly.
Mormons – Ever have them show up at your place? I invite them in. I make sure a bottle of bourbon is near along with a stash of my porn. I talk over them about my love for Satan.
In-laws call – My wife hates this. I say she is having the shits and using the bathroom. My mother-in-law normally just hangs up.
Homeless people begging for money – I make up a language and pretend I know no English.
Being pulled over by the police – I always say “Thank god you didn’t see everything else I was doing before you pulled me over.”
Buying condoms – I always complain they don’t have any too small to fit. The look on most cashier faces is priceless.
Shoot to Thrill – A few weeks ago I hooked up with my friend’s hot cousin. This girl was hot, very hot to say the least. She used me just like I used her. After she was done with me she tried to stir up crap between me and her family. It failed and nothing happened. Nice try bimbo. At least I got you on the bottom, baby.
What Do You Do For Money Honey – Recently my ex Liz contacted me. Come to find out she is short on cash, having trouble paying bills and has no car. Shocking that all of a sudden she wanted to talk to me. Liz is a known user that only needs people when she needs to use them. Even her brother told me this earlier in the year. She would have money if it wasn’t for being a drunk and court cases.
You Shook Me All Night Long – A few days ago I wrote a blog about my ex Ashley. It made me recall going to her place one day. She answered the door in all red lingerie. She didn’t have to tell me to cum because I was already there. Not only was my mind aching, but my entire body was when she had her way with me.
Shake A Leg – A bitch was recently in my car. I’ve already talked about this liar in one of the above rants. I was taking her home when she went off about me stopping the car and letting her out. I did. She then refused to get out (after realizing how far she was from home and how cold it was) and started yelling at me. I threw her shit out and the bitch walked.
Our blog has been doing “Ugly Girl of the Week” for nearly 50 weeks. We have done our “Stereotype” and “Things White People Do” blogs for quite some time. It’s time for a new type of blog. I came up with a corny idea of a new weekly blog. This blog will not be replacing the others. It will just keep the website fresh with new ideas.
My new blog will be done once a week. I will name an album and use 3-5 songs to start a rant. For instance, if I use Metallica’s “Ride the Lighting,” album I would use “Fade to Black” to start a small rant. Sometimes I will even quote lines from the song within the rant. It sounds dumb and hard to understand but once you see it, you will get the drift. I think it’s a cool idea.
If you have an album you want us to use, please feel free to leave comments or email us. I will read all ideas and take them into consideration.
People claim we make fun of them. Yes. We sure do.
People say we make too many racist jokes. We do. We poke fun at everyone.
People say we are sexist. Yes. Now ladies, go back to the kitchen and shut up.