Category Archives: Romance

Calling 1-800 numbers you see late at night – lol

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I’m up bored watching AVGN videos. Every once in a while I see a commercial for a 1-800 “Dating” or “College Girl Chat”. First off, who actually calls them? Second, who is dumb enough to believe the women you are talking to look hot like they do on TV? Hot girls are not calling free chat lines. They are at a club, showing some ass or cleavage and getting free drinks from nerds like myself.

Call them, they’re bored. In reality you are talking to a woman who looks like this………………

Women like this call free 1-800 chat lines, just saying.

I doubt she is home alone on a Friday night. If you call the chat line you will be talking to her co-worker that looks like this……

She is home on a Friday night.

Yeah, she is so not calling a 1-800 chat line anytime soon. This girl will however……

Meet Mindy. She is single, jobless and likes crack……..

 

 

 

Only by the Night (Kings of Leon – 2008)

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Sex is on Fire – There is a sexy girl I know. We get along quite well. I know for a fact she is an airhead and sleeps around. I haven’t made my move yet because like an idiot, I wasted time on a dumb ex and then two weeks on another loser. On my birthday this girl looked so damn good in some tight jeans. I am not a betting man. But if I was, I am betting this girl could rock the bed.

Use Somebody – I was talking to a girl named Lindsey. She had a job, a car and her own place. Unlike my ex, she had no drug problem and had all of her teeth (and her teeth weren’t rotted from drug use). She was also a redhead, my all-time favorite. We went out on a few dates and had fun. All my friends liked her. She was supposed to be my date this past Saturday. She ended up ignoring me Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Finally she texted me Saturday night and informed me her friend was in the hospital. She then stated she would come see me after work on Sunday since I was out celebrating my birthday. She texted me Sunday night and I asked her was she coming to see me. She said she would Thursday. I then texted her back saying “Ok, liar.” The bitch then called me going off while I was out with my friends. Bitch, get a life. You lied, not me.

17 – I feel like a pervert. A few times this year I’ve been cutting through Seneca Park to see my parents. There will be a group of young Sacred Heart girls jogging, normally in short, shorts. Damn, these girls be looking good as hell. I have three nieces older than these girls and another niece the same age. Man I wish I was 16 or 17 once again.

Be Somebody – I am sick of fake ass people. My friend Shannon’s cousin, my ex, this Lindsey bitch and so many others I’ve met or seen this year. How do these people wake up, look in the mirror and go about their day? How can you be happy in life being a pathological liar? How can you lie daily, steal and abuse drugs and think you “rock”? I guess it’s all mental. Maybe people are born to be losers. I rather be somebody than a fucking loser.

British Steel (Judas Priest – 1980)

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Breaking the Law – My loser ex begged me to talk to her a few weeks back. After four days of talking to her, I gave up. She is a pathological liar. She is currently charged with deception by theft for over  $500 (a felony), driving while under the influence and leaving the scene of an accident. This is not her first run in with the law. She was charged with reckless driving and charges dealing with heroin back in 2010. And she wonders why I dislike her, lol.

Grinder – Once again I need to stress how hot a certain girl at the Highlands Taproom Grill is. I would almost sell my soul to Satan to have her grind that ass all over me. I am getting hard thinking about her. On to the next topic.

Living After Midnight – My birthday is Monday and I work. Oh well, party time this weekend. Thank God for DD’s cause I’m going to be loving till the morning. First thing first, I have a date with a sweet redhead. Then when she’s gone, it’s party time cause I’m taking the city by 1AM.

Rage – Some prick named Joe Alliger (or something like that; he’s not important enough to recall his name) contacted me about my ex. He added me a few years ago on Facebook because she asked him to spy on me (true story). Today he informed me she told him I stole money from a bank account. That is news to me. Damn, wish I had some extra money. Anyways, the prick started telling me how I love her (even though she begged me to be in her life) and wanted her. I told him that he is a worthless prick. Anyone friends with a thief, liar and drug addict is a fucking loser. I banned him because like her, I hate fucking losers.

Nice blog #9 – Jessica

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We all have that first love. Mine was a beautiful girl named Jessica. I dated here in my early 20’s and can recall many great times with her. Even though she and I did love each other neither one of us were ready to settle down. We were two very different people and both went our separate ways. I don’t even know where to begin with this nice blog.

Jessica was from a very small town in Kentucky. She had that “Kentucky Hick” accent. She had pretty blue eyes, freckles and sexy lips. She had a nice body. I loved her thighs. She also had one hell of an ass. No girl has ever said my name (Mike) as sexy as she could. Man that alone was enough to drive me crazy.

I won’t lie. Besides the love, I recall our sex life most. That in no way, shape or form is disrespect toward her. I was young and always ready for sex. She and I had sex like rabbits. There was not a location or time we said no to. She knew how to make a tight pair of jeans look good. Never so bad in my life did I want to see what color thong a girl was wearing in my life. Not that it really mattered since her thongs hardly stayed on for more than 2 minutes.

One Valentines’ Day I recall like it was yesterday. She was in her hometown some four hours away from me. I drove through an ice storm to see her. It was night time and besides keeping a promise, there was no reason my dumb ass should have even been on the road. I drove probably a two hour stretch being the only car traveling in either direction. Lucky for me I got there safe and sound. The payoff was worth it.

I had brought Jessica some chocolate, flowers and a teddy bear. She rewarded me by wearing some sexy white lingerie and almost killing me (in a good way). I’m pretty sure she and I both burned off some 4,000 calories apiece. As great as that was, I recall us telling each other how much we loved each other over and over. That my friends, was a perfect Valentines.

Jessica is happily married and a great mother now. I’ve had my fair share of ladies since her. She would still rank in my top 3 of women I’ve been with. I’ve only loved two girls since her, Ashley and Liz. Jessica will always be my first love. I had a lot of great times with her. The time with her was some of the best times of my life. Even though she ended up with another man, I’m thankful for that period of my life. It taught me what true love was. I also judge other women by her which is why I’ve only loved two women since her.

Destroyer (Kiss – 1976)

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God of Thunder – No virgins kneeled before me. However, my luck with women has been good (sex wise; not dating wise) this year. I’ve had a lot of fun this year to say the least. I want to settle down with one woman but until then, I will have my fun.

Great Expectations – When I meet women I keep my expectations low. Don’t get me wrong, I have standards and want something long-term and real. I never catch a break though. I saw a friend’s cousin. What drama that turned out to be. I tried talking to a girl at work. Wow, what a nut-case. I gave my ex another chance. What a dumb bimbo and a complete waste of time.

Shout It Out Loud – I hate people who are crazy and bitch. I picked up an ex and tried being a nice guy. The bitch got jealous about a better looking girl at the bar who spoke to me. She whined that I take her home. I agreed. After minutes of non-stop bitching, she demanded I pull over and let her out. I agreed. Then the bitch refused to get out of my car. Of course I won the battle and the bitch walked home. My eardrums are still ringing from her drama ass crying.

Do You Love Me – Apparently our “loving” God has a great sense of humor. He likes to taunt me with fake ass women that play games. Can’t a white cracker like me have some love? What more does a white face have to do?

Nice blog #1 – Ashley, an angel sent from the Heavens

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When I was 23 I dated this girl named Ashley. I normally dig redheads and darker hair women. Man I was so in love with this natural blonde. She was about five foot three. Her body could melt butter. She had green eyes that only an angel from heaven could have. Ashley was an excellent cook. She would rub and scratch my back for hours, never once complaining about it.

Anytime I took her out I felt I had the most beautiful girl in the room. I even told my mom that she was way, way out of my league. She had this crooked smile that I loved. She was very shy, got upset easily and cared deeply about others. At times she wore those “naughty librarian” glasses which just added to her sexiness. She always smelled good and made anything she wore look sexy.

I was a lucky guy. She would come over and clean my place. She did my laundry. I got sick once and she came over just to baby me. I know it was boring for her. I was in bed sick, being lazy. She never left my side, rubbing my head, cramming medicine down my throat and made me eat soup. I would wake up from time to time only to have her still loving on me with that crooked smile.

Like an idiot I was friends with all the wrong people. I was a very horrible person back then. I never put Ashley first. I made her second or third behind my politics. I cared about her. I loved her.  I just never showed it the same way she did. Most of my time was spent putting her down or making her feel less than me. I made her cry a few times. I did everything wrong while she did everything right.

Overtime, Ashley finally used common sense. She knew she could do better. One day she called me and told me she was done. I don’t recall her exact words. They were something along the lines of “I love you, Mike. I just don’t want to be hurt anymore.” And that was that. That was the end of Ashley being in my life. I haven’t even seen her in person since. I have not heard her voice since then.

To make a long story short is simple. The person I was back then no longer exists. That is a part of my life I put behind me.  Ashley never got to see who I was deep down inside. For those wondering, yes, I’ve tried talking to her in more recent times. She has turned me away every single time. To be honest, I don’t blame her. I did what I did and I can’t change that. I hurt her a lot and I don’t deserve her forgiveness.

I don’t think about her often. Sometimes when I see a female with a crooked smile, I picture her face. Every now and then I try to recall how her voice sounded. When I am out somewhere and I see someone that sort of looks like her I always hope it is her so I could recall how beautiful she was in person. I just hope she is happy. I hope she is being taken care of. I hope a guy is treating her half the way she treated me. She deserves to be the happiest woman on earth.