Bourbon’s luck has not been so good lately. He has faced some tough times and been very quiet since around this past Thursday. He may not be posting anytime soon. He would be the first to tell everyone not to worry. He seemed a little better today and joked around and sounded like the Bourbon we all love (we actually hate his guts).
Fans/readers of this site have read his articles about his ex, Liz Hanes. That’s right; I will give out her real name. He tried helping her out. She used him and lied to his face over the pettiest things. That had him stressed out for a few weeks. She snitched on friends during a drug trial, works at a doctor’s office where she still uses drugs and has recently been shot at. Smart woman – as in dumber than horse’s shit. I wonder what drugs caused her teeth to go bad?
Bourbon then met a gal at work. She asked him for his number and they had a date planned for this past Friday. Sadly this girl has a case of aspersers. Everything was going well up until Thursday night. The girl then blamed Bourbon for only wanting to take her out because he felt bad for her. I can tell you that wasn’t the case. Bourbon was very into the chick (she was cute). That really hurt his feelings when she canceled the date.
A friend of Bourbon’s from the Highlands Taproom, John G., passed away last week. Bourbon enjoyed talking to this man because he was a Military Veteran. Readers of this site know we support all branches of the Armed-Forces. John will be truly missed by many. I know Bourbon thought the world of the guy and enjoyed talking to him and sharing a beer, or two or three.
Don’t worry, this site will be up and running. He will be back. He was drunk last Thursday, Friday and Saturday. No, this had nothing to do with the above drama and bad times. Bourbon is normally drunk those days. Thanks for the support and don’t worry. Our site is not going anywhere!
The animal rights losers -
They are against the killing of pigs, cows and mice (even if it’s meant for food). Yet they are pro-abortion and don’t mind unborn children being murdered daily.
The Hippie folk singer -
He sings about his love of trees, weed and vegan food. He owns three shirts, his t-dye, Grateful Dead and Phish shirts.
The guy that reminds you over and over that he’s not racist -
He informs you that he’s not racist after telling you a racist joke or after making a racist comment.
The Mean Old Lady -
Every neighborhood has one. She yells from her window at children outside playing that make “too much noise” and will call the cops if someone steps foot in her yard.
I am normally the “nice” writer on Strange Brew. All of that is going to change in this article. Bourbon Stilz is a dear friend of mine. I find him to be maybe the most honest person I’ve ever met. His parents are both great people. I have nothing but respect and good things to say about him. He’s far from perfect. But I trust the man more than I do most of my own family. That says a lot.
A while back a story on Strange Brew was written about Casey Anthony. The article was not even written by Bourbon. In no way, shape or form did we defend her or her “innocence”. The article was poking fun at us wanting to fuck her. I can speak for everyone on this site – we believe the slut was guilty. This site is satire. We are poking fun at the obsession with this case, the love Casey received and the fame she has for simply being a slut. Nobody on this site thinks she was actually innocent.
“Jessica M” as we shall call her, is an ex of Bourbon’s. I’ve never heard Bourbon once bad mouth her. He actually thought of her as a good friend – a close friend. The two dated and things didn’t work out. That’s life. He moved on, she moved on. The two shared a great friendship, or so Bourbon thought. Instead, he was being a nice guy for no reason. It was a one-way friendship.
Jessica took offense to the “Casey Anthony” article. Which hey, I understand, she’s a mother and Anthony killed a child. I doubt my wife, also a mother, would have enjoyed the article, which is why she doesn’t read the site (or so I hope). Instead of taking the article as satire, Jessica gave Bourbon a lecture of how horrible he was, how mean and bad of a friend he is. And that didn’t settle well with yours truly.
See, I know a lot about Bourbon. I knew him when he dated Jessica, many years ago. I knew him before her. I know him now. To question his friendship says a lot about what kind of person she is. Hearing and reading what she said to him made me thankful my good friend didn’t marry this loser. He can do much better than her. So I am going to tell the story of how it is, with or without the approval of Bourbon’s. My guess is he will enjoy this article.
Bourbon was a bad boyfriend – Back then he did hang with the wrong crowd. That’s not the issue here. Even back then he was loyal as loyal can be. She on the other hand was busy sleeping around with men (and women), lying and abusing drugs. Those are facts which I dare her to debate.
His parents are bad people – Jessica likes to say Bourbon’s mom cheated on his dad. His parents have been married for over 50 years. Jessica’s parents divorced years ago and her mother banged every known man for pills, booze and rent money. Her mom’s last man died due to drinking.
His family is trash – Well, all three of his sisters are married with families. Bourbon and two of his sisters are college educated. Jessica’s sister was a stripper for years. Her dad lived off of welfare due to a “disability”. What was his “disability”? Being about 100-150 pounds overweight and not wanting to work. Her mom also collected welfare. Bourbon’s dad is a retired carpenter and served his nation during war time (Korean War). Her fat coward dad “sat out” the war.
Bourbon is a loser – He hung with a bad crowd for years. He changed his life around and got away from that. He’s college educated and has a good job. Nothing fancy but a working man’s wage. He has great friends. He cares for his friends. I know this better than anyone. Jessica on the other hand claimed while in college at Morehead State a bunch of black college basketball players raped her. Really? Why was no charges filed? Sounds to me she was busted by her husband sucking cock and that’s the lie she told him. Sadly, the moron must have bought the myth.
Bourbon is an unhappy person – Did she actually know him or just sucked his cock a lot? He’s one of the funniest and happiest persons I’ve ever met. At times he makes me sick of how happy of a jack ass he is. I hate the bastard – joking of course.
He goes out of his way to talk to her – Does John Martin need to be here? This is the same girl who wanted to leave her current husband for Bourbon. I don’t recall him once wanting to leave any girlfriend for her, even the last cunt he dated. He must be hung well because I recall phone conversations of her begging him to take her back while she was married!
If our site offends you, get a life. Read our “About Us” section. This is SATIRE. Nothing we say is based on facts. I actually wrote the “About Us” section. We are three guys with nothing better to do. We enjoy comedy and poking fun at everyday life. If our site costs anyone to end a friendship, you’re a fucking loser. Seriously. But I won’t tolerate anyone bad mouthing a close friend of mine. You want to run your mouth, go ahead. I’ll run it here to a site that is read by thousands weekly. You lose, we win. So fuck off.
Bourbon is a great friend. I trust him. I trust him around my wife and child. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. I am honored to be a writer of this idiotic website. After moving away from Louisville I am thankful I still have friends like him there anytime I visit. This article is dedicated to a true friend – a friend that is one in a million.
The redneck guy who tells the most unrealistic stories of all time -
He’s seen bigfoot, been bit by a black widow 37 times, beat up an alien, won the “Medal of Honor” while in the Marines and had sex with a former Miss America winner – of course none of these stories are true.
The religious freaks that drink more than a college dorm room -
They force their views on others. Behind closed doors they drink more beer than a homeless alcoholic.
The nosey old hag that lives on every street -
Every noise is someone doing wrong. Every odd smell is drug usage.
The left-wing hippie who bitches about the man keeping him down -
Yet the bastard hasn’t held a job in five years and lives off of unemployment.
I’ve been friends with a guy name Keith for over two years now. He works with people that have numerous disabilities. Some have physical disabilities while others have mental disabilities. He takes a lot of pride in his work. Not only does he have a paying job doing this, but Keith spends hours outside of work doing volunteer work.
I’m not going to pretend and lie that I’ve learned a lot from Keith about people with disabilities. Nor have I taken the time to get involved with helping out. But I have learned one thing and I wish others would too, don’t call these people” retards”. Don’t make jokes about people and their disabilities. The word “retard” is a word people shouldn’t use any more than people using the “n” word. You may disagree but that is a total lack of common sense.
The word “retard” is used daily. Shows like “South Park” and “Family Guy” use it almost daily. Sometimes an entire episode is based on poking fun at people with disabilities, mostly those with mental disabilities. People use it in society normally to describe something they don’t like or something stupid. It’s used to describe a person during a joke. But there’s nothing funny about the word “retard”.
How would you feel if your child or sibling was mentally disabled? Would it be funny if someone called them a retard? Would you laugh? I highly doubt any decent person would. You would be offended. When you say the word “retard” about someone that is mentally disabled, remember that they are somebody’s brother, sister or child. Even when you say it as a joke think about who could be around. How do you know a bystander nearby doesn’t have someone close to them that is mentally disabled? You don’t and that’s another reason you shouldn’t use it.
Listen, I’m guilty as charged. I’ve used that word many times. But I’ve learned not to use that word. Why not call something dumb, “dumb”? Why not call something stupid, “stupid”? Do we really need to use “retard”? Use common sense. In the 1950’s a large number of white people called black people the “n” word. To us that almost seems silly these days. It’s time we end the use of the “r” word too. The “r” word is no different than calling a black person the “n” word or a gay man a “fag”. I’ve changed, so there’s no reason you can’t.